It happened to me yesterday. I was listlessly checking my email when I noticed a text ad that I must have seen more than 10, times. Yesterday I joined the masses. And let me tell you.
The difference was highlighted for me when a fifty-year-old divorced man told me about his experiences in forming new relationships with women. On this matter, he was clear: Not surprisingly, since they did not yet know each other well, she worried about whether she could trust him, whether their relationship would destroy her independence, whether this relationship was really right for her.
He felt she should have kept these fears and doubts to herself and waited to see how things turned out. As it happens, things turned out well. The woman decided that the relationship was right for her, she could trust him, and she did not have to give up her independence.
But he felt, at the time that he told me of this, that he had still not recovered from the wear and tear of coping with her earlier doubts. As he put it, he was still dizzy from having been bounced around like a yo-yo tied to the string of her stream of consciousness.
In contrast, the man admitted, he himself goes to the other extreme: This response is just what women fear most, and just the reason they prefer to express dissatisfactions and doubts - as an antidote to the isolation and distance that would result from keeping them to themselves.
In repeatedly telling him what she feared about their relationship, she spoke as though she assumed he was invulnerable and could not be hurt by what she said; perhaps she was underestimating the power of her words to affect him.
For his part, when he refrains from expressing negative thoughts or feelings, he seems to be overestimating the power of his words to hurt her, when, ironically, she is more likely to be hurt by his silence than his words. Such impasses will perhaps never be settled to the complete satisfaction of both parties, but understanding the differing views can help detoxify the situation, and both can make adjustments.32 quotes from Deborah Tannen: 'Smashing heads does not open minds.', 'A perfectly tuned conversation is a vision of sanity--a ratification of one's way of being human and one's way in the world.', and 'We all know we are unique individuals, but we tend to see others as representatives of groups.'.
Apr 30, · Tannen (You Just Don't Understand, Morrow, ) describes differences in men's and women's public communication as found within the business setting. These differences appear to influence actual perceptions of worker skills and abilities.
This book endeavors to help women better understand men in the workplace. Generally speaking, men want women to succeed. However, different neurological wiring cause men and women to respond differently in the office.
Men find it much more easy to compartmentalize. They prefer separate sphere: keep business and personal separate/5(32).
Free Essay: Analysis of You Just Don't Understand, Men and Women in Conversation by Deborah Tannen In the first chapter of her book, You Just Don't.
While men and women have about the same average IQ (according to intelligence testing), men vary much more than women do. What that means is there are more men at each spectrum of intelligence than women (below average and above average). read deborah tannen's most recent op-eds TIME's Motto, "The Truth About How Much Women Talk -- And Whether Men Really Listen" The Washington Post, "It's not just Trump's message that matters.